Hope

{WARNING….I get personal in this post, y’all!}

For those keeping up with Advent, this past Advent Sunday was the first of the season, and as it always is, was themed “hope.”

hope

I work in a building where every wednesday we have “Family Time.” Everyone is invited for devotions followed by refreshments.  It’s pretty awesome, but I don’t often go because I get busy with work.

Today I went because the Advent Family Times are usually wonderful.  And it helps me to refocus throughout the week on the coming of Christ, and what His coming really meant for us.

So hope.  Yeah.  It’s tricky.  As I sat in the devotional, I realized I don’t have a lot of it.  I want to.  I want to believe things can be different, but I’ve been so defeated of late.

I’m down 90% of the time because I’ve gained a lot of weight since Roger moved to town in April.  Instead of being in awe of the blessing that Roger was able to move here before the wedding and we could have that time, I end up pouting that I did not make better eating choices from April till now.  I’ve gained some weight, y’all. Makes me want to cry thinking of it…of how hard it will be to get off, of how unhealthy I’ve become.  I have no hope that things can change (#dramaqueen). Though I know I’m the only one with the power to do so, which makes me feel ever more depressed and mad at myself for allowing myself to gain so much weight!

Rogermovestotown

(Easter Sunday this year…the weekend after Roger first moved to town!)

I also feel hopeless about Roger and I’s community.  For some reason, even with all the people we know in the area, we feel very alone at times.  We have each other, and don’t get me wrong, that is a blessing! I love getting to spend alone time with my hubby getting to know him even better.  That’s what the first year, and really your whole married life is about, right?!  Well anyway.  I miss “community”–friends to hang out with without agenda, who just genuinely enjoy being around one another.  Heck, friends to hang out with at all! I know most of that is my fault.  My house is a mess, and I hate inviting people over.  And I’m the budget nazi, so going out a lot isn’t an option for us. But I think it just means we need to be more creative in how we hang out with people, and we’ve been lazy.  lol.  AND we just seem to be really busy ALL THE TIME! (Which I also hate.) So, sorry friends.  We fail. And also, I miss you! Let’s hang out!!!

rogerandI_murdermysterydinner

(who wouldn’t want to hang out with us…don’t we look awesome?! lol. From a murder mystery dinner!)

I feel sad that Roger and I weren’t with parents for Thanksgiving.  Maybe it’s tougher this year because it’s our first married year, but it was sad not to be with family, family.  I was with some family, and it was good, but wasn’t the same.  There’s something about being with  your parents that is so nice during the holidays.  But we live in Georgia, and his parents are in Texas, and mine in SW Florida, so it’s hard to get together, especially when my husband can’t really get extended time off for the Holidays.

Turkeydone

(I guess our parents were with us in spirit as they coached us on our first turkey!)

Instead of being grateful that my husband has a full time job, when many others don’t, I sit and contemplate the negative.

Somewhere along the way, I’ve become a cynical, depressed, bitter person.  And I hate that.

Today’s devotional reminded me that things can change.  There is hope.  And I don’t know what the timeline for these changes is, but things will change, I will change.  Over time.  By God’s grace, and not in my own strength–because that’s one thing I’ve learned…I can’t change on my own!

And don’t worry friends, it may seem I’m really depressed, but I’m not.  Life is really good for the most part.  There’s just those days, and maybe you’ve had them, where I just focus on all the bad things instead of counting my blessings, and with Thanksgiving not too long ago, a day of eating and family, I’ve been a little more down about my weight and not being with family than usual.

familywedding(can’t wait to see all of these lovely faces again!)
hopegiraffe(alright, how can I be in a funk when I can see this pic and know that giraffes make the world a better place…and so does Roger!)

LindseySignature2 BreakLine

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11 thoughts on “Hope

  1. First and foremost I LOVE YOU!!!!!! Secondly, you know me and my budget, I am open to coming over every weekend and bringing people for movie or craft night, so let’s find stuff to do on Pinterest. Third, a New Years resolution I am going to have is to start working out, no worries, I am including you in it. It may be late sometimes, but since you are forever texting me at midnight, you have no excuse.
    Fourth, I have been where you are, because Patrick had that job and we were newlyweds, I think what it is, is that people think you two are still in the honeymoon phase and don’t want to disturb you….. Hell, I’ve wanted to call sometimes but wasn’t sure if you and roger didn’t have plans. So it’s not that they don’t want to hang out. Hope…..you are one of my closest friends, so you know my story. Don’t think negative ever, it ruins your day, week, month, year….decade…whatever. Be patient with roger and the new job, I use to be mad all the time when Patrick couldn’t get off, it gets better. I love you ffiend. Sorry for the sermon…..not :).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh!!!! Love you, girl! Thanks for the encouragement!!! Deal on the working out, and you got it, dude. I will stop being negative, because you are right. It’s ruining my month already, and it’s only day three! PS, loved the sermon!

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  2. Proud of you for sharing your heart! Don’t be down on yourself about your weight! You are beautiful!! Be encouraged and know that you’ve got this & you can do it…come to zumba with me!

    Also!!!! Remember you’re still adjusting to this new beautiful phase in your life…everything will fall into place (it always does). Love you friend and I’m always here for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey friend…. Love love love your blog. Wish I lived up the street still, we would always be bugging you both. I am learning a lot about negativity, joy, hope etc…. Easy to be discouraged about ourselves, circumstances etc…even when we have everything we wished and prayed for BUT I am learning how my negativity affects those around me and how it keeps me trapped in a horrible cycle… So just learning to see things with new eyes, learning to capture the joys around me… To name and claim them…learning to have grace with myself and my body… Your man LOVES all of you…so be kind to yourself… You are beautiful…NO really you are… And if you want to have more energy, health then change small things at time… But be full of GRACE for yourself….
    Man sorry for the sermon…. Like I said wish I lived closer

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    1. I totally appreciate the note, Sandra. Thanks for taking the time to speak truth into my life, even from across the Atlantic. Love you! I will try to have more grace with myself for sure! I will definitely try my best to start seeing the good and the joy in everything. It’s been hard to do lately, but I know my attitude will change if I can change my perspective! Thanks, friend!

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  4. So, how did I not know that you lived in Atlanta? I must be living under a very large rock. Isn’t Atlanta awesome? You know, Jeremy and I seem very similar to you guys! We just seem to enjoy sitting on the couch and being potatoes instead of doing much. Maybe that is because wedding planning killed us? I don’t know. But it’s sad and I want to change it. I like going out and just enjoying nature (even if it’s just for a walk). But we can’t get our tooshies off the couch!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol, I don’t think I mention Atlanta too, too often! lol. Lol, yes. The couch is our jam right now. Wedding planning killed Roger and I, I know that much! Haha. Yes! Walking in nature is awesome! One of my fav things to do. But currently my neighborhood isn’t the best to walk in, so I’d have to drive somewhere, and idk…I’m full of excuses! lol

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